This morning’s meditation showed me once again that we will experience what we need to experience, no matter where we think we are on our spiritual path, and no matter what we may expect. Although this experience is quite personal, I’m writing about it because I know there are many people, especially women, who have gone through similar, and may be helped by my experience.
I was once again confronted with the pain and problems of my teenage years. I dealt with and healed myself years ago of the abuse – of all kinds – which I had suffered, and wondered why I was again confronted with it. However, there was no emotion attached to revisiting it this time and Spirit told me that it was necessary because I needed to realise how this abuse had injured my feminine side. I was shown many instances where it was always my feminine, loving side that was abused, and how my masculine side had tried to protect me, even though I was too young to have any defence against the abuse. What had happened in the end was that my feminine, loving side was so deeply injured that it totally retreated inside of me because it couldn’t cope with the emotional abuse, leaving my masculine, protective/defensive side to take over.
Spirit showed me that my body still held much of the pain this had caused me and said it was time to remove it. I was shown that most of it was attached to my feminine parts and could just be pulled out. I was surprised how easy it was to do this, as it came away without any problem or emotional attachment and caused me no anguish at all. I was then told that I could now release the goddess in myself – my own goddess energy. By connecting to my feminine energy, I felt a happiness that was overwhelming and I set the goddess in me free. She rose up laughing and filled me with such Love and happiness, that I felt utterly euphoric. She has a beautiful pink energy, which was soon surrounded and protected by my (blue) masculine energy, which is her balance.
Over the years, through the inner healing work I’ve done during my spiritual journey and the achievement of the Rainbow Bridge, I have helped and allowed my feminine side to surface fully again, which is why it was so easy to remove the residue of pain in my body. I have come to realise that my feminine side, which I used to see as weak because it was vulnerable, is in fact the side that is the strongest, and I now approach everything that happens in my life from a balanced centre of love and trust. This means taking full responsibility for my feelings and actions. If I get hurt emotionally, it is not someone else’s fault. It is because I have allowed my feelings to rule me, which means I have allowed an imbalance to occur inside. The other person has only reflected it back to me. This then becomes another lesson to be used for growth.
It also helps to expose yourself exactly as you are, as I’ve done in my book The Mystery of Self, so you no longer have any secrets. This way there is no need to be anything but yourself, as everyone knows who you are, which allows you to become a fully authentic person. It turns all your vulnerabilities into strengths, because you take full responsibility for who you are and accept yourself totally. By allowing myself to become a complete person – balanced in both feminine and masculine energy – I have not only become whole mentally, emotionally and spiritually, but now also physically. My goddess energy is now fully available again, which means that my intuitive, loving side is fully activated. It helps me to BE the Powerful Being of Light that I AM.